I was listening to my iHeart radio the other night, as I do every night as I'm trying to fall asleep, and I heard this song by P!nk called "Beam Me Up." Her voice in this song is beautiful. The chorus, "give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it, I'd probably just stare - happy just to be there, holding your face. Beam me up, let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter," made me think of my daughter and my adoption experience as a whole. "I hear your voice and I, I break in two. And now there's one of me with you." It's exactly how I feel about her. If I were to be able to see her in person this very instant, I don't even know what I'd say if I only had a minute. I can imagine holding her beautiful face in both my hands and just reveling in the moment.
I assumed it was about a boyfriend or some other adult she lost that was close to her. Then I found out what the song is about. She wrote the song to her baby that she lost in a miscarriage - now the tears fall even harder when I hear the song. I've played in on repeat for two days and it's actually been therapeutic. I hadn't cried in a while (months, even) and it actually felt good.
Here's the video in case anyone wants to listen, but birth moms or moms of other loss beware; you may need tissues.
