Monday, January 16, 2012

Writer's Block

I've had serious writers block lately. It's funny, because I've had the most to talk about in the past month or so and I've only posted 2 or 3 times. Maybe I have so much to say that I don't know where to start, I don't know. I do know, though, as soon as I get in the mood to write, I will. I write not only as an outlet to relieve stress or built-up emotions, but also as a way to remember when I start to forget. That's why I wrote down A's birth story - I never want to forget a second of it. I still remember it like it was yesterday, but I know in time that memory will fade a little. I'm happy I have it written down not only for myself, but for her as well.

She is doing so well. She's so tall and looks like a little mini grown-up. Her hair is ever growing and growing and I wish so badly that I could do her hair in pretty bows and headbands and whatnot...

I had my appointment with my OB/GYN to get my Mirena removed today. I don't know if I've talked about that on here or not, but I have gained a considerable amount of weight since last Spring (when I had lost the 'baby weight') and after researching online, I finally put two and two together and realized that I gained all of that weight within a few months of getting the Mirena. I was told it wasn't a common side effect, but should have known that if it would happen, it would happen to me (I don't have good luck with birth control). My doctor told me today that it can be a side effect and that she could surmise from looking at my weight chart that that was probably the culprit. She also told me that it can not only cause a woman to gain weight, but it can also hinder you from losing it. So, I weighed the options and had it removed. She told me that there's a good possibility that I could see the weight just fly off with little to no diet changes or exercise changes. So that lifted my spirits, as you can imagine. And the best news: I've lost 8 pounds since giving up soda on Christmas day. I will have one glass if I go out to dinner (which has only been twice since then) but I won't get a refill, and I've completely stopped drinking mountain dew cold turkey. I had to. I was drinking a disgusting amount a day, and there was always a 2 liter (or 2 or 3) in the house at all times. I haven't touched it since the 25th of December and I feel like I am finally in control of it.

To anyone who has never had a 'comfort food' or 'comfort drink,' this all may seem really silly. But it was a pretty high mountain to climb for me. I drank it because I thought it made me happy...then I would look in the mirror and hate the way I looked, so I would turn to food/soda again to make me get back that 'happy' feeling. It finally hit me one day that whether or not I drink soda, my daughter still has a different mommy. Her birth father still is...her birth father (enough said). Those problems, issues, and relationships don't change because I've temporarily satisfied a little hole somewhere inside me...because nothing ever can or will fill those holes. I just have to learn to live with them, since they will forever be a part of me now. I'd rather have those empty spaces and feel good about myself and be healthy than have those empty spaces and a bottle of soda in my hand...

I'll write about something of substance soon! I'm still waiting on pictures of my little one...fingers crossed that they will come tonight!

1 comment:

  1. I hope the pictures come tonight! Congrats on the weight loss.. Soda (pepsi) is MYYY comfort drink!!! I swear I need to give it up.. I will.. ONE DAY! But seeing how much you lost since Christmas.. It might push me!