Monday, August 8, 2011

Dreams, or nightmares?

Last night, I had a really really strange dream. I won't get into it, because it was filled with this creepiness that has resonated throughout my day. Usually, I forget my dreams within five minutes of waking up, even if I vividly remembered them when I first woke up. Anyways, the night before, I also had a weird dream, but it was weird in a good way.  In my dream, I was back in the hospital with my little girl, but instead of that sad feeling being in my gut the entire time, I was very happy. She was a newborn, but she was talking to me as if she were an adult. Not in a creepy way like it sounds, but we were communicating with real words, not 'baby speak.' She told me (or reassured me) that she wanted to go to live with her new parents and she didn't mean to hurt me, but she, too, knew that her life would end up being better. She told me she would not be happier either way; she would love to go home with me and also love to go home with them, but that she had a better shot at success with the other family. It instantly reminded me of this entry I wrote in my livejournal exactly 6 months ago. Strange. I do wish it were true (what I wrote in the link above). While it would have crushed me to hear my little girl tell me she'd rather be raised by someone else, at least it would have taken away any teeny tiny doubt that I had in my mind. Listen to me, saying my decision would have been easier if a two day old baby spoke her mind and wishes to me.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. I rather like yesterday's version better! That's what we all hope and pray that our kids will say to us when they get older, I think.