Tuesday, August 9, 2011

School and other ramblings...

I got a voice mail yesterday while I was at work. It was from my college, and they were telling me that the 10-day course I signed up for that was supposed to start tonight was canceled due to not enough people enrolling in it. Bleh. I needed that course to keep me on track to graduate in December. Now, I'm set back another semester, unless I can take another class at another school that can transfer over in time. To put it simply, this sucks. I don't know if I can handle seven classes at once on top of a nearly full-time job, while simultaneously dealing with this overwhelming urge I have to not even get out of bed in the morning. It seems like it may be too much to handle...too much, too soon. When I apply myself, I excel. Learning has always come easily for me, when I apply myself. But ever since my pregnancy, the adoption, the break-up, my world basically shifted completely and I have very little drive left in me. I dropped out of school in the fall semester because it became too much to handle. No one was 100% sure of my due date since I was pretty far along when  I found out, and while my due date was Oct. 28, I knew I could have her at any minute. I knew for a fact that we could have conceived her at the beginning of January, the middle, or the end, as well as the beginning of February or even the middle. So only she knew when she was planning to come. In short, that (as well as the decisions I knew I had to face when she finally did decide to come) overwhelmed me to the max, so I dropped out mid-semester. I got to medically withdraw, so I was reimbursed for my classes, but that doesn't help much when you've just set yourself back an entire semester. I don't regret doing it, because I wanted to spend as much time with my little girl while she was in my belly as I could, and also because I knew I would be in no mental state to return to class and actually do well after she was born. I wouldn't have gone back to school til the 2nd week in November, and I would have missed too much. Anyways, I'm pretty ticked off about the fact that this class was canceled, because I'm looking at it as another entire semester wasted. I will need to continue going to class from January - May just for this ONE class. Ugh. I know it will be worth it in the end, but I have this idea in my head that I need to strive to do my best right now, and I don't want to wait another year to graduate. I promised my little girl I would graduate. I know she's only 9 months old, and if I stay on track she will not even be two by the time I'm done, but still. I also know, at that age, she won't even realize that I've graduated. Let's face it, she still will barely know who I am, let alone what I'm doing with my life.

Oh, I almost forgot! I was honored to be featured on this blog! I have to admit that back when I was pregnant, I was looking for information online and came across that very blog. I remember thinking to myself that those women were SO strong, but that they must be sad all the time. How naive! It's incredible how much my perception has changed now that I've gone through it myself.

Until next time...

1 comment:

  1. YOU, too, are strong beyond words. I can't even imagine.