Sunday, September 25, 2011

'In the end, all you think about is the beginning.'

My day in New York went very well. We went to the fundraiser and did get to meet Shorty and (most importantly) Hercules! I love that dog. All in all, it was a good experience, although the weather was a little dreary. Now it's back to the real world, and tomorrow is my first 8a.m. class of this semester. What on earth was I thinking, signing up for an 8a.m. class on a Monday? I'm already dreading the alarm clock going off, and I haven't even gotten into bed yet.

I'm trying to keep my spirits up this upcoming week, because I already feel overwhelmed and it's not even Monday yet. I know I've said it about a hundred times, but this fall is going to be one that I'm just going to have to keep my eyes on the future and plow my way through. If you haven't already noticed by now, I remember dates more than anything. I've always been good with numbers like that, but I can't do math worth a crap (go figure, I can't remember numbers when it counts). I've always been good at remembering license plates, times, and leave it to me to know about all of the little 'anniversaries' that take place in the fall. This coming Friday, which is the 30th, marks the day that my daughter's bio father kissed me for the first time, in the mountains (as we called them), which was really just a big forest with a huge pond in the middle. Who remembers the first time someone kissed them? Maybe a lot of people do, maybe not many do, but I know I do. I remember it like it was yesterday. Hell, I even remember what I was wearing that night. Sometimes my memory is a curse (this being one of those times). I bet he doesn't even remember the year it happened, let alone the date. That's just the way I am, though. I remember the day my rabbit had her babies when I was in 8th grade even though they've all been long gone now, I remember the date that we left for a vacation to Florida on when I was in 3rd grade, etc. Anyways, I'm not looking forward to Friday. This should be a new beginning for me, I should be embracing the amount of stress that walked out of my life the moment that he did, but instead I'm caught up reminiscing about things that I don't really want to happen again; I just can't let go of them.

I have to start thinking more about what I'm doing to do and/or how I'm going to celebrate my little one's birthday in November. I can't believe it's already almost October. Maybe that will bring my spirits up a bit...I love everything about October and Halloween.

I have a lot more on my mind, but I'm still exhausted from spending 10+ hours out of 24 in the car, so I'm going to try to go to sleep now. Must be up bright and early in the morning for class (insert excited face here)!

P.S. I was in Old Navy the other day, and saw the cutest Halloween costume...

I got sad for a nanosecond when I thought "I HAVE to get this for Arianna," and then realized that I don't get to choose her outfit - not now, not in 5 years, not ever. But, still, it was so cute that I just had to post it! I do wonder what she'll be, though... :(


  1. The first year after something ends is always the hardest...I promise that soon you won't even notice the dates that were significant to you and him, they will just be another day. :)

  2. I know you speak from experience, which is where the best advice comes from. Thank you :)