Sunday, September 18, 2011

Past few days . . .

It's been a rough past couple of days, I had an "altercation" with Arianna's birthdad which did not start or end well. I won't go into details, but in short, I basically told him that he's on his own and does not deserve pictures of his little girl right now - this was after he told me that I never do or did anything nice for him and that he 'never wants to see me again in his life.' Okay, fine. So he gives me an email address to give to C and says 'tell her she can email me, or you can forward the pictures to me. That way, you'll never have to see me or speak to me again which is obviously what you want.' Why YES, that is what I want! Maybe not forever but for a long, long time. I went on to tell him that I didn't have to do as much as I have done for him in the past ten months...I did not have to make doubles of all the photos (and therefore spend more of my own $$), I did not have to meet up with him to give him copies of the emails that let us know how our daughter is doing. I asked him if he would write back to C, and he flat out said no. This sent me through the roof. How dare you let this woman who is raising your child take time out of her day to write 6, 7, 8, 10 paragraphs about YOUR child to you and send 20 - 30 pictures at a time (which she by no means has to do), and then say "No, I won't write back. Why? Because I don't want to." Immaturity at it's finest.

More was said, more was done, more tears were exchanged but that's done. I've said it before and that's even what I said to him - "we've said 'we are done' and gone our separate ways 'for good' about five times since she's been born" and he said that this time, he knows it's different. He knows he's hurting me by even being in my presence or even by my hearing his voice. According to him, he lashes out and gets to upset because he still cares, wants to be around me, and still loves me but knows that I can't be around him and that hurts him. Well, buddy, had you not hurt me so much in the past and even still up to two days ago, maybe I wouldn't feel so much like I couldn't be around you.

On to better things! I had some time last night to do another page for my scrapbook. I like to incorporate pink into every page (duh!) and also when I make a background to put the pictures on, I like to match the colors that are in the picture...the color is wearing, etc. For whatever reason, I photographed the steps I took to make one of my backgrounds last night. I like to think I'm creative (hahaha) although this is something extremely simple and that I'm sure people who scrapbook do all the time.

First, I picked out a base color and cut out little random strips of the other colors that match her outfit... then covered the back in strips of scotch tape (so much easier than taping the individual pieces!)
 Here it is, flipped over.
 I glued it to the pink background paper, then cut out the shape I want (while making sure that I don't cut a piece larger than the shortest strip of paper)
Voila! Done.
And here's the page, completely finished. I hope you like :)


  1. Good for you for standing up for yourself and for Arianna when it comes to her birth father...AND for standing up for her parents too! I know it was rough on you, but you did an awesome thing. I hope that her birth father makes some strides eventually in kindling some sort of relationship with her and her parents, but it sounds like he's not ready for that yet. *hugs* And...cute scrapbooking ideas! :-)

  2. Thank you! I know I would forever worry if he had the access that I have - some might see it as unfair but I believe it's best, not only for me but especially for our little one, who is way too good for the drama it would bring!

  3. I'm going to be devils advocate, you know, I know why you don't want him to have updates, and I get it, if it were up to me, I'd not want my son's birthfather to get them, but it's not our say, it's the adoptive family's say...(and my birthfather opted not to receive them) And yea, it's pretty rude of him not to send them an update on him...but, we need to let the children make their own judgement of the birthfathers. You know, I wrote a letter to my son right before he was born, gave it to the adoptive family for him to read when he was older, I didn't bad mouth the father, or even tell him what happened between us, because I don't want to influence his outlook on the guy. Not only because it's not my place, but because people do change, and the person he was when I got pregnant might not be the person he is when my son goes looking for him. And, I would rather him think his father loved him, than that he didn't give two craps about, that's not to say I didn't bad mouth the crap out of the guy in the journal I kept for his first year, that I would like him to read when he's an adult...he deserves to know what happened, but not as a child, or teenager...

    I love what you did with the picture, I have never seen it before, and I might just have to try it for mine....