Time to start buying...

...Arianna's birthday gifts! I can't believe I'm even writing those words down already. How is it October already? This is one of three of my favorite months, but also might be one of the hardest. As I've said, I remember dates like the back of my hand. Last October 13th - ultrasound, decided I wanted to know if she was a little girl or little boy (I had a gut feeling she was a girl!) October 18th, ultrasound. 10/16, adoption counselor comes over and shows me books, and the first one I saw was the one I stuck with all along! 10/19, NST and another ultrasound. 10/22, her birthdad and I went to the agency for counseling. 10/30, he and I met her family for the first time. Halloween...I went into the hospital with very early labor pains and the rest is history. (Not history, but you know what I mean!) It's so unreal, so surreal still in some ways. I won't even go into the dates in November...can't look that far ahead yet.

But I digress, because this post was supposed to be me sharing my happiness for one of the gifts I picked out!
I had planned on getting her the piggy bank, but I'd rather wait until I have enough money to buy it on my own without having to borrow from my parents or anyone else. Plus, it takes 3 - 4 weeks to ship and her birthday could very well be here and gone by the time I receive it and then ship it to her house. So, I found this beautiful snow globe (I have an affinity for all snow globes and water globes, I've always loved them) and had it engraved this morning. I can pick it up this evening. This is it:

"Every little girl loves the story of a princess, and our silver-plated carriage brings the story to life in looks and music. The magic starts when you put her photo inside and engrave a message on the outside. And it continues by playing Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, introduced in the 1950 Disney classic, 'Cinderella.' This is an ornately designed gift that includes pink enamel on the body and wheels and even on the tiny crown atop the water globe."

I'm going to put the very first picture that was taken of her, the very minute she was born, inside of the globe. I picked out a pretty cursive font and it's going to say her first and middle name and then underneath that it will read "Happy First Birthday" with a little squiggly line and hearts underneath. I wavered back and forth on whether or not I wanted to write "Love, Elizabeth" on it, too, but I figured that might be too pushy. I hope that her mom will keep it out on her bureau or dresser or something, and she may not want my name right there in everyone's face. Then again, I'm sure she wouldn't mind at all, and would think it was beautiful either way. I just would rather leave it open so she can choose who she says the gift is from if someone asks. I trust in my heart that she will always tell  'our' (her) little princess who the gift is from, and that's all that matters to me. Having my name on it might sort of cheapen it in a way (at least to me)...it's like saying "hey, don't forget this is from me. Don't forget who I am!" So...that's how I came to that conclusion.

I had a little test of strength at the store, though. The woman asked me what the occasion was, was it for a baby shower, a christening, or what? I told her it was for a 1st birthday and left it at that, and she smiled and went about her work. I filled out the paperwork regarding what I wanted engraved on it, etc. and as she read it over she said "this will be so nice, so beautiful. She'll love it! Mum will too!" I cringed a little but caught myself and just smiled and said thank you. I started to get upset as I walked out of the store... I could just feel it coming. Inside I was screaming "I AM HER MOM!," and wishing over and over that I had said that to the lady. Then I realized...why? That woman forgot about me two seconds after I walked out of the store, so why does it matter whether or not she knows my relationship to the little girl that the gift is for? Then I also realized - what she said was actually perfectly fitting. Her mom will (hopefully) love it. Maybe this is a good thing, maybe I am making more progress emotionally than I had previously thought. Oh, and speaking of progress, my therapy appointment is tomorrow at 4:00. Wish me luck!