Joining in...

I told myself I wouldn’t jump on this Casey Anthony bandwagon. So many people don’t care about something until the worst possible outcome becomes reality, and then they all feel bad and act sad and act as if they have cared for the past three years in their entirety. Of course hearing about a two year old being murdered sparks emotion from just about anyone, myself included. But so many people are speaking up now - where were these people before, when they were trying to figure out what happened to this poor little girl? It baffles me.
I am one of those people who heard about it, felt awful about it, and then honestly forgot about it. And I have to admit, the more I do think about it, now, the angrier I get. Maybe it didn’t phase me before because I didn’t have a child. Maybe it bothers me *that* much more because I have a child who is not physically with me. It gets under my skin that I struggle every day over the fact that I had a baby and gave her up and then this woman has a baby and takes her life. Just took her life like it was nothing. Okay, so she’s “innocent.” It doesn’t matter if she goes to jail or gets the death sentence, or doesn’t. She knows what she did and her conscience will, hopefully, eat at her until she can’t take it anymore. I can’t imagine taking my own daughter’s life and then going about my own as if it were nothing. Feeling satisfied that I got away with it. Lying under oath, yada yada, the list goes on. It makes me sick. So many women every day lose their babies at absolutely no fault of their own, and this woman is blessed with a healthy child and she kills her? What is wrong with the world? I don’t understand how or why these things happen. I have felt that way about myself in the past, too. So many families want to have a baby, would give anything to have a baby. They do everything the ‘right’ way - fall in love, get married, buy a house, start trying to have a baby. Then, they can’t for whatever reason. But I did everything backwards. I (or we, not sure on that one anymore) was in love, but wasn’t married and didn’t plan to be (not to him, anyways), didn’t have my own place, and didn’t plan for / want to become pregnant. Those who don’t deserve it get it, and those who do, don’t. My daughter’s adoptive parents planned their marriage and lives around having a child that would be the center of their world. And it didn’t happen for them the way they wanted. While all the while I took my birth control diligently to prevent having a child. It’s crazy to say it now, because my daughter is the best thing that could have happened to me. The hardest, but also the best. I never knew it was possible for someone to bring you the deepest pain (not her fault, but mine entirely) and also make you feel the happiest you have ever been in your life (her fault entirely). I forget where I was going with this. I was just ranting, I guess, about how much it upsets me that (a) people act passionate all of a sudden over something they never really cared about before, (b) that someone is blessed with a beautiful baby and not only takes it for granted but takes her LIFE and walks away as if she outsmarted someone, and (c) how much I just miss my little girl…